Roulette
by Servatia
Summary: SPOILERS! During OotP/after DH, slightly AU or EWE. This one was so fiercely not requested I had to do it.


_((My two options when this should take place were entirely during OotP (it does start around that time anyway) or until after Deathly Hallows. Since I decided on the latter for various reasons, I had to do something about it. I therefore __ask __for forgiveness for even two glaring dei ex machina, something I greatly despise, but I cannot really do anything else here unless I want to make it a complete AU - which I dislike even more. In my defence I want to make it very clear that neither deus has been conceived for this story, one of them coming from Head Over Feet, which I had written years before, and the other being a modification of what happens in the chapters 2 and 5 of From Dust, mixed with the Hand of Fear curse I came up with later there.  
_

_What I am doing here has been considered 'canon' by quite a number of people, never so much by myself, although I've found the idea intriguing for a _very_ long time and I still do to a degree._

_Rating: Eventually NC-17, but since PWP with this pairing is out of the question, there has to be something else to it, and the something else will comprise the major part; also, I wanted to give the whole thing a sense of 'even so'._

_Warning: I cannot say it often enough: Slash (rather soppy, really); kinda EWE and Spoilers. Lots._

_This is kinda a song-fic.  
_

_As an afterthought: The only great temporal jump forwards is marked by _***_, from which point the whole thing continues shortly after Deathly Hallows. Small errors of temporal placement I ask to forgive, I didn't really feel like checking.))_

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Hermione had wanted to shut the door soundlessly, but a few inches before it closed, the handle slipped out of her hand, and it shut with a bang. The sliver of light from outside was shut out, only the sound of someone disentangling themselves frantically from their covers filled the room. Next came the somewhat more worrying sound of something heavy hitting the ground followed by a yelp of pain. 'Kreacher, I'll have you this time, I swear, I'll strangle you!' A red jet of red light shot through the room but missed Hermione by several feet in the complete darkness.

'I'm not Kreacher,' she said quickly. A small light went on at the other side of the room, showing Sirius's face. He looked pale in the wandlight, and the vivid shadows made his outline so pronounced that he seemed even thinner than he was, much more like he had been at their first encounter. 'What on earth are you doing here?' he asked, rubbing one hand over his tired face. A lump was quickly developing on his forehead.

'I need to talk to you,' said Hermione simply.

'I guess that can't wait until a decent time of day, can it?' Hermione shook her head. 'Right … Listen, if that has anything to do with Kreacher …' Hermione gave a dismissive gesture.

'It hasn't,' she said quickly. 'It's about … well, about you.' Sirius blinked.

'Right,' he said again. 'I suppose you, like Molly, think I'm a raving maniac.' He didn't look angry but somewhat exasperated.

'I just think … Sirius do you want to end like Mundungus Fletcher?' She paused for a moment. 'Something is getting to you, and you seem to be trying to numb the pain by …'

'Hang on,' Sirius interrupted, now starting to look annoyed, 'so you're saying I'm a drunkard now. Thanks, this conversation is over, goodnight.' He turned his back on her and placed his wand on his bedside table. 'I can't hear you leaving.'

'That's because I'm not going,' said Hermione, trying to stand her ground, but something of her distress must have been apparent in her voice because Sirius looked at her again. 'I just wondered … Is it just this house, or is it Snape? Because I'm really, really scared he'll taunt you into something and that they'll catch you, Sirius. And if they do … You know what they'll do to you, but I'm not sure if you know what that will do to Harry.'

'Oh, I guess I do,' said Sirius calmly. 'I am not going to risk my soul because Snape is being … well, Snape.' He smiled at Hermione. 'That's really not it, all right?'

'There is something then?' she asked slyly. 'Something other than just this place?' Sirius sighed.

'A couple of things, that ruddy house is one of them.' He laughed, but it sounded slightly bitter. 'Seeing how I'm not going to get rid of you, what would you say to a cup of hot chocolate to go with the talk you're insisting on?' Hermione nodded slowly and followed Sirius into the basement kitchen.

'So,' he said a few minutes later, placing a huge steaming cup each before Hermione and himself, 'any guesses?'

'My guess would have been Snape, but obviously I was wrong,' she replied.

'Well, you are the first one who tells me there must be more than what is apparent,' said Sirius. 'And you were right. But it's not Snape who's … getting to me, as you put it. It's Remus.' Hermione raised an eyebrow.

'What did he do?' she asked, looking astonished.

'Nothing. I did.' Sirius paused to take a sip from his cup. 'It's been almost two years now since we met again, but still he seems to be … well, not angry, but disappointed or hurt that I believed he was the traitor.'

'That would be a bit rich since he thought you were,' Hermione answered heatedly. Sirius gave a humourless laugh.

'Let's face it, he had a lot more reason than I did,' he said. 'I mean, I can't blame him, I'm mad at myself for that. For what transpired because of my doubt.'

'Sirius, you can't blame yourself for what happened,' said Hermione very softly, looking at him as though she saw him properly for the first time.

'Yeah, my brain has worked that out all right,' he replied dryly.

'Should I talk to him?' Hermione suggested. 'I could tell him …' She hesitated, and Sirius laughed in the same weird way as before.

'Tell him what exactly?' asked he. 'Rubbish, I'll do that myself, thanks.' He drummed his forefinger on the table in a slow and uneven rhythm that sounded completely arbitrary. 'And probably it's all just me being stupid,' he added, looking at the table.

'So that wasn't it, either?' Hermione asked, and Sirius shook his head.

'The thing is, you are the young ones, you lot should be needing me to deal with things, not the other way round.' His face was set as he looked up again. 'You should go to bed again instead of listening to me whining.'

'That's what I came for, Sirius,' Hermione said patiently. 'And I haven't finished my chocolate yet. Listen, I don't think you've got to bottle it all up, maybe I can help you.' Sirius laughed, and for the first time that night he seemed really amused.

'You cannot,' he said simply. 'No one can, I've got to get over this one on my own.'

'By yourself, maybe, but not on your own.'

'You're too … well, no, you're not too young, but I don't think you can understand if you haven't been in my place,' Sirius said. He looked away from Hermione's gaze again, and something dawned on her.

'Sirius … are you embarrassed about something?' His eyes darted upwards and met hers. He opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it again, shaking his head way too fiercely. 'You've not by any chance … fallen in love or something?' Sirius's eyes flickered, and he nodded, very curtly and just once. 'So … tell her, why don't you? I mean … she knows you're innocent, right?'

'Yeah, right,' he replied darkly. 'But I'm not going to tell and risk losing one of the very few friends I've left.'

'Are you sure you would?' Sirius nodded, again, very curtly, then he shook his head.

'Actually, no, I don't think I would. But I would damage something, and I am not sure I can face any more damage just now.' He drained his cup in one go and looked imploringly at Hermione.

'You keep this private, won't you?' he asked, looking almost timid. 'The three of you … you've such different ways to think that when you talk that over you'll figure out more than I would be comfortable with, so please don't tell.' Hermione hesitated for a moment then she nodded.

'All right, I won't,' she said, watching Sirius drumming his finger on the table in the same strange rhythm as before. Maybe it was not so arbitrary, after all. 'What are you going to do about it, though?' she asked then. 'On long term, if there'll be a time when you may be sure that Lupin has forgiven you, and you know he will be there to … well, to catch you in case you … crashed.'

'Mind, he would be there to catch me right now,' Sirius said. 'But one time I might tell, yes.' He smiled vaguely. 'Funny, I thought the part of me that was capable of such emotion died in Azkaban.' Hermione held her breath for a second, unsure whether to utter what she was burning to ask. Then –

'What was it like there?' Sirius gaped at her for a few seconds. 'I'm sorry!' she said suddenly. 'You … don't answer, don't if you'd hurt yourself!' Sirius didn't seem to hear her.

'I don't think there are words for it,' he whispered, his eyes out of focus. 'You had a taste of it at the Great Lake, only that after a while you go all numb, drained, and the bliss of losing your consciousness just won't come any more. Even after I got out I felt empty, the only thing driving me was something that felt a lot like madness. Before that, there was nothing, like there was no room inside me for any feeling other than despair. Mostly I just lay huddled in a corner, forcing myself to keep breathing, and when it felt like just not to would be easier I transformed. I was still numb when I did, but less haunted. Less dead.' Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head. 'Please don't make me talk about that any more, maybe in a few more years, I just can't now,' he said then, and Hermione nodded, biting back tears.

'I … I think I'm going back to sleep,' she said with a slight quiver in her voice. Sirius nodded.

'Thank you for waking me up,' said he. 'In more than one way.'

'Hermione? Did you hear me?'

It took a few seconds for her to react. 'Umm … What? Sorry, but this is …' She slammed the book that lay before her shut. _A Guide to Magical Confinement_ was written in Gothic black letter on the cover. '… interesting,' she completed her sentence.

'I asked you if you reckoned Harry will want to come to the Duelling Show,' said Ron.

'Ask him,' she said, looking rather distracted. 'I have to try something. Sorry, Ron.' She snatched the book and dashed off until she was out of sight. Only then she Disapparated. She knew the perfect place to try one of the wildest experiments she'd made so far.

The Forest of Dean was not one of the places she liked to visit very much, but it had the advantage that she would be alone here. The book she had brought with her was banned because it described in great detail how practically anyone could get rid of unpleasant people. Many of the spells were simple enough to let a neighbours' quarrel end with one of them disappearing without a trace because they touched a cursed object. Only very few copies existed, most of them were locked away from prying eyes, but this one had been found in the estate of a deceased witch. Hermione had been lucky enough to be there during some kind of taster course the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had offered her when she'd uttered a wish to join it. She had been sent to what had been considered a harmless matter of supervision.

She was going to hand the book in all right, but due to a sudden inspiration she had opened it and found something very intriguing. She had not told either Ron or Harry. This was her experiment, not theirs. Also, she was very unsure if it would work. For a short while she had been wondering if no one had tried that before, but then it had occurred to her that this book was neither nearly as well-known as other dangerous tomes, nor as easy to get. There were no stray copies people knew about, and the only ones in existence were almost inaccessible, even for someone like Dumbledore. So even if he had known about this option, he would have had a hard time to lay hands on this book, and thinking of his last year, he probably simply wouldn't have had the time to try. What was more, there was still a very good chance that the case she had in mind was not one of confinement at all. She flopped onto the ground opened the book again and read, for the fifth time, the same lines.

_There are many many means of magical confinement, but only very few of them are impenetrable. Most can be entered freely, but to get back out of them frequently requires the help of at least one witch or wizard._

_If someone disappears, it will raise suspicions, so sometimes it may be helpful to place a fake corpse. There are various ways of doing this, one would be to feed an uninvolved person Polyjuice Potion with a bit of the one that is to be trapped (more on this in chapter 203) before killing them. Without a corpse or if in doubt, and with the background knowledge to be found below, the relatives of the lost person may try the following._

_There are certain things that must be acquired for the spell to work._

_An item both of the lost person and one associated with them._

_A flask of Drawing Potion (for which marigold, wolfsbane, and coneflower are required; the preparation of the potion is described in chapter 88. Note: Mixing lead into the potion will make it dangerous to handle and does _not_ make success more likely!)_

_The person removed from their confinement is likely to be unhinged by the belief that something they dread has come true. It will require powerful persuasion to convince them of the contrary. The person attempting to free another must be very careful not to fall victim to possible aggressive drives evoked by said dread, as the formerly confined will want nothing more than to find the one who cast the spell._

_The spell below should never be used unless it is completely unclear where the lost person is or how they got lost. If either is known, it is advisable to look for a safer method compatible with the confinement. The spell is useless on dead people and will not, as has been rumoured, create an Inferius._

_The spell is very long and must be uttered very carefully. Speaking the words wrongly will make it useless. Lines 4 and 5 must be uttered at the beginning and completion of the Potion making as well._

_Calling through the walls around you_

_Out of this day into your darkness_

_Mingling with the tears spilt for you_

_Eternally I sure will wait._

_ So if you hear my voice coming through the noise_

_ Of your Prison you be risen._

_Torture to my mind and body,_

_Overwhelming is your loss._

_May your fetters soon release you,_

_Eternally I cannot wait._

_ So if you hear my voice coming through the noise_

_ Of your Prison you be risen._

_While speaking these words, the wizard or witch casting the spell must spill a part of the potion first on the confined person's item, then on the one of the associated person. Last they have to moisten their own forehead with the remainder. The application of the potion must begin after the first and end before the last word of the spell._

_The book must be kept open during the procedure._

_The procedure can only be done at daytime and during a certain constellation, described in chapter 203._

Hermione heaved a sigh and removed a couple of things from her handbag. There was _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1_. For the umpteenth time she checked if it really was the right person's book. The second thing was a very old battered poster she had folded to a very small size; last she produced a small bottle. She had prepared the potion the night she had first read what she had to do. The timing was perfect, now she just had to get the rest right.

Carefully she said the first line. She had practised with water a few times before, she knew her timing. First she carefully drenched the poster with the greenish potion, then she spilt some on the parchment pages of the book, feeling a stab of guilt for ruining it. Finally, her hands shaking, she applied some onto her forehead and finished the last line. For a few minutes she sat very still apart from trembling with nerves. If it had not worked, there would not be another attempt for her, tomorrow the constellation would not be right any more.

After a while she rose, leaving the wet poster to rot and packing the two books. Now all she could do was to wait.

There was no one there to hear a body crashing heavily onto the floor, nor did anyone hear the horrible howl of agony coming forth from it after a few seconds, telling there was more wrong than just physical pain from a fall. It was an inhumane scream of guilt, of knowing that all was lost.

The shaking creature on the ground grew silent after a while and started looking around frantically, with only one thought in mind: _Hide_. But was there any point to that? Wouldn't it be better to be found and put out of one's misery? There was no one left, if anyone decent was _not_ dead, they'd be in hiding, lost forever. Then there came a voice, a mere whisper, and yet it seemed so loud as though it had been yelled only a foot away: _Come to me!_

The creature's drive to fly subsided and slowly, very slowly, human thought stuttered into process. One was alive … and would need help. Called him. How, he was not sure, but he heard her all right, knew the voice … the name belonging to it: Hermione Granger … the face of a young girl, unimaginably bright and kind at the same time. But how to get to her? Where was she? Where was _he_, to begin with?

Forcing himself to his feet, he knew he must not be seen. He tore a large stripe from his robes, making them considerably shorter, and wrapped it carefully around his face like a balaclava, leaving only a few inches for his eyes to stare into the world. He took one deep breath and started to run, bursting up a flight of stairs, through corridors, doors, into the sunlight and on into a living city full of people staring at him, laughing at his apparel.

Only when he thought his feet would not carry him any further he stopped. He had reached a park, and here, as well, were people, having fun, enjoying the summer air. There was a small pool, a number of teenagers beside it. He took of the stripe from his face, deciding that he did not need to look any weirder than necessary out here.

_Come to me!_

'Yeah, I'm trying,' he muttered. 'Just tell me where to start looking.' A young woman with a small child gave him a frightened look and hurried away from him. He had to be more careful. He would dodge out of side for a while and keep his eyes open before he tried anything else.

It had been exactly a week since Hermione had tried the spell from _A Guide to Magical Confinement_. With every day that had passed, the certainty that it just had not worked had grown, and now she was sure that she had either failed, or that the attempt had been pointless to begin with. Shaking her head to get rid of the thought, she decided to hurry so they wouldn't be late for the Duelling Show. 'I'll get our tickets,' she said to Ron and Harry, who were right behind her, and started walking a little faster than they were. Before she entered the shop where the pre-ordered tickets were reserved for her, her eyes fell on two young witches, pointing and smirking at someone scuffling along the road, his face hidden by something that did not quite look like a balaclava, having the air of someone thoroughly forlorn and defeated. Her eyes fixed on his, and her heart almost stopped. She let out a scream of joy and ran towards him, causing Harry and Ron to exchange an alarmed glance and follow only after a few seconds.

Hermione grabbed the man by his arms and turned him round so that his back was turned on the other two. Her shaking fingers found the fabric wrapped around his face and pulled. Shock gave way to recognition in the man's face, and she gave another scream of delight, bouncing into the air and flinging her arms around him. Using the momentum of her sudden movement she Disapparated, taking him along and leaving Harry and Ron bewildered in Diagon Alley.

'Listen to me,' she said a moment later, in the middle of the Forest of Dean again, as she let go of him. 'I had to bring you here, I don't want people to die of shock because they spot you.' She sat down on the ground and motioned to him to do the same. He remained standing, however.

'We've got to get out of here, abroad if we can,' he said quickly. 'It's no good staying, they'll get us.'

'No one will get us,' she said gently. The other looked around frantically as if expecting an attack any second.

'But Voldemort has taken over, you cannot run through Diagon Alley in broad daylight, what were you thinking?' Hermione shook her head.

'He is dead,' she said. 'It's over, but _we_'ve won, he's gone.' She gave her vis-à-vis a pleading look. 'Listen to me … sit down, please … Sirius.' The last word seemed to wash some of the despair from his face, and with a curt nod he dropped into the grass opposite to her.

'What makes you say he's dead?' he asked, and Hermione shook her head.

'You've missed more than two years,' she said. 'Let me tell you what happened, only very quickly, you're mistaken, totally mistaken.' Sirius looked at her as though worried about her sanity, but Hermione shook her head to silence him. Very swiftly she told him a few of the events of the previous years, only of the Horcruxes, who had died, and how Harry had duelled Voldemort only a month ago. Sirius sat motionless as if he had been stunned. When she was done talking he kept staring at a point behind her for almost a minute. Then –

'You sure Snape was not on Voldemort's side?' he asked.

'Completely, yes,' she said.

'I'm still not going to say I'm sorry he's gone,' said Sirius. 'And Mad-Eye … How did he die?'

'Knocked off his broomstick without a wand, he didn't stand a chance.'

'Moony?' he whispered, his lower lip trembling.

'Killing Curse, both he and Tonks,' said Hermione. 'It's ironic, really. The ones who did it were both silenced.' She jumped as Sirius lunged forwards, grabbing her shoulders and staring into her face, only inches away from her. She could feel his breath when he spoke.

'Are you quite sure of what you are saying?' he ejaculated. 'Do you _know_ what you're saying?' Hermione blinked, and when he saw her looking rather frightened he released her. 'Sorry,' he muttered. 'But … are you absolutely sure?' Hermione just nodded, trying and failing to follow Sirius's trail of thought. 'Great. Dig them out.' Sirius got to his feet and brushed a few leaves from his backside.

'_What?_' Hermione said without moving. Sirius dropped to his knees before her.

'Listen closely,' he said, looking tense, 'a few years ago, Remus, Mad-Eye, and Tonks were out doing hell knows what, and returned without Mad-Eye, claiming he had been hit by the Killing Curse. Dumbledore went to recover his body and brought Mad-Eye shaken but alive. He told us that the Killing Curse used voiceless is stronger than a stunner, arresting the victim in their current state, but not deadly. They live. Yet.' Hermione frowned.

'Why did they not tell everyone about that?' she asked, and Sirius laughed.

'Because it doesn't normally happen,' he said. 'People using the Unforgivable Curses normally say them, even if that is a disadvantage, because they're so consumed with wanting to use them that they forget reason. Someone silenced will in most cases choose another way of killing, it just … doesn't happen. That it should happen twice on one occasion … maybe one took a leaf out of the other's book, I wouldn't know.' He paused. 'We knew, Remus and Tonks beside me, because we knew he was supposed to be dead, but I don't think anyone else did. Yeah, Dumbledore, obviously, but all those who knew were dead or out of it.' He threw back his head and laughed again, looking thoroughly delighted and slightly mad. 'I want to see Harry,' he said then, his eyes glowing. 'He's been in on the joke, I suppose? He knows you tried to get me back?'

'No … I didn't tell anyone,' Hermione said slowly. 'I didn't expect it to work, everyone was so sure you were dead. I didn't want him to get his hopes up.' She smiled vaguely. 'Let me tell him first, he'll die of shock otherwise.' Sirius nodded, then he shook his head.

'No,' he whispered, 'sorry … can't wait.' And with that, he turned round and was gone.

Hermione Apparated back into Diagon Alley, just to watch Sirius running out of sight. 'Sirius!' she yelled after him. He slowed down to let her catch up but didn't stop. 'What are you going to do, run through Diagon Alley shouting for him?' At last, Sirius stopped running.

'I don't know, where is he?'

'Somewhere over there, I reckon,' she said pointing over to where she had first found Sirius. 'But you can't just … _Sirius!_' He had set off at a run again, Hermione scampering after him. Sirius made a quick change of direction, and she halted to look where he was heading. He had found Harry and went on running. Harry reacted in the exact way she had thought he would: He backed away and drew his wand. Ron looked stunned and didn't move at all.

'Who are you?' Harry shouted. 'Do you think this is funny?' Hermione dashed towards them, skidding to a halt between Harry and Sirius, shielding the latter and panting.

'Don't, it's him, it really is,' she said between ragged breaths. Harry stared in her face, then behind her and dropped his wand. Hermione turned on her heels and found herself facing a large black dog, wagging its tail frantically and jumping all around the three of them. 'Thanks,' she said, still slightly out of breath. 'I wasn't sure how to prove who you are.' Sirius stood on his hind legs, his front paws on her shoulders, and licked all over her face.

Only hours later, Sirius was in a dormitory in the now deserted Hogwarts castle. He sat on a chair, looking much less battered after a shower, but with a very concerned face directed at two of the beds. The door behind him opened, and Harry, Ron and Hermione entered. 'The Healer's not sure they'll make it,' Sirius said. 'It has been so long that they are very weak. Both unconscious, both having seizures.' His eyes rested on Tonks's face, then he shut them, obviously unable to bear the sight.

'Why aren't they brought to St. Mungo's?' Harry asked, and Sirius looked up at him.

'Doesn't make any difference, does it?' he said. 'Either they'll live, or they won't. There's not much anyone can do for them right now.' His eyes travelled over to Remus. 'Only a little over two weeks,' he muttered. 'If he's not recovered then – really recovered – he'll die. The transformation will kill him.' Sirius hid his face in his hands and they sat silently until night fell.

After a few days it became clear that Tonks was dying and that Remus was unlikely to recover fast enough. Both of them had been awake for brief moments in which Sirius had told them bracingly that all was going to be just fine, even though he did not believe a word of what he said. Neither had asked how it came he was there, although Remus had eyed him very suspiciously, as though believing him to be a figment of his imagination.

Five days after both of them had been brought into Gryffindor Tower, Tonks woke up again, her eyes searching for Sirius, who saw movement and rushed over to her. He had hardly left the room, slept in one of the free four poster beds, and even eaten here. He took her hand and squeezed it. It was wet with sweat. 'How's Remus?' she breathed.

'He'll be fine,' Sirius said softly. 'You both will.' Tonks shook her head.

'Listen … You must take very good care of him,' she said, and pressed his hand, forcing him to look at her. 'He'll die if he doesn't want to live, and he must,' she whispered urgently. 'I'll not make it –don't shake your head, you know as well as I do – and he'll need all the love he can get. Don't you leave him alone in this.'

'What do you think of me?' Sirius asked weakly.

'I know,' she said softly, forcing herself into a sitting position, 'but please promise me you'll be there with him all time. Promise!' Sirius nodded and helped her to stay upright.

'Right, I promise,' he said choked with pain. The figure he held in his hands slackened and her eyes went out of focus. 'Tonks …' he breathed. '_Tonks!_' He pulled her into an embrace, rocking her like a child, all the while knowing she could not feel it any more.

Only when he heard a soft rustling sound from behind him, he lowered her gently onto the bed, wiped his eyes and turned to find Remus looking at both of them. He ran over and dropped to his knees beside him. 'Moony … not you too, I can't bear that,' he whispered. Remus tore his eyes from the bed on which Tonks lay.

'Is she …' Sirius nodded, looking scared at what it would do to his oldest living friend. Remus's lower lip trembled, but he didn't react in any other way. Sirius waited for him to pass out again, but he didn't, his eyes were on the ceiling and his breath steady.

After an hour, a witch who was a friend of McGonagall's and a Healer came to check on both of them and brought Tonks out of the dormitory on a conjured stretcher. Remus didn't seem to realise she was there, even when she exchanged a few words with Sirius he did not react. After another hour, Sirius's acute fear started to subside into the ominous feeling he'd had since he had first entered the room. When darkness started to fall outside, Remus spoke, his eyes still facing stubbornly upwards. 'You're dead,' he said, and Sirius shook his head, telling Remus in a soft voice about the spell Hermione had found, and eventually, Remus turned to look at Sirius. 'You're not going to disappear?' he asked, and Sirius silently shook his head. 'For that's something _I_ couldn't bear at the moment.' With another stabbing sense of foreboding, Sirius took Remus's hand like he had taken Tonks's before.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he said. They remained facing each other for a long time before Remus closed his eyes. Judging from his deep breaths, he had not passed out again but fallen asleep.

Three days later Hermione came into the room with two steaming cups in her hands. One of them she handed to Sirius, the other she kept clutching. 'Hot chocolate,' she said. 'That's supposed to be good for your nerves, isn't it?' Sirius nodded and drank deeply. Then he gestured to the cup in her hand. 'What's with that one?' he asked when she remained rooted to the spot, looking rather self-conscious.

'Is Remus sleeping?' she asked instead of an answer, and Sirius nodded. 'Can you wake him? That's for him. I … I'm sure I did it right.' Sirius frowned slightly, and Hermione gestured to the cup in her hands with her chin. A suspicion formed in his mind.

'Did what exactly right?' he asked incredulously. 'That isn't what I think it is, is it?' Hermione smiled wryly, and Sirius stared. Then he leant forwards and gently shook Remus's shoulder. He woke up at once and greeted Hermione with a small nod. 'She's got something for you, Remus,' Sirius told him and left his chair to Hermione. Careful not to spill its contents, she placed the cup on Remus's bedside table.

'Wolfsbane Potion,' she said at Remus's incredulous stare that looked uncannily like Sirius's. Remus's eyes flickered to his friend, who gave a soft laugh.

'Yeah, she's unbelievable,' he said. 'Drink.' Remus propped himself up against his pillow and drained the cup, screwing up his face. Hermione looked anxious.

'As disgusting as always,' he said. He shook his head. 'Thank you. Do you reckon I will be safe?' Hermione nodded.

'Positive,' she said, all doubt gone. 'I did it right. I'll bring you another cup tomorrow.' Again, Remus's eyes travelled to Sirius's, who momentarily failed to marvel in the fact that Hermione had outperformed herself: For the first time since he had first recovered his consciousness, Remus smiled. Hermione glanced at Sirius, too. He had dark rings under his eyes and looked very exhausted. She wondered if he had slept through a single night since they'd come here. 'Sirius, why don't you take a break?' she asked gently. 'Go to sleep, not here, in another dormitory where you're alone and in peace. I'll take over for the moment.' Sirius looked mutinous, but Remus nodded at him.

'You look terrible, mate, go to sleep,' he said. 'Go.' Sirius hesitated for a few more seconds, then he went to the door.

'See you, Remus,' he said. 'Keep … keep going.' With a last backwards glance at Hermione and Remus he walked out.

'Hermione … you can go, I'll be fine,' said Remus, but she shook her head.

'At the moment you're everything but,' she said, 'and I wouldn't have sent Sirius away if I had intended to leave you on your own.'

'Is Teddy all right?' asked Lupin, looking scared of the answer, and Hermione nodded quickly.

'Yes, he's with Bill at the moment,' she said. 'He's fine.' Remus nodded, looking relieved, then he shook his head.

'I just hope it's over now … I'm not sure with how much loss I can still put up. First losing Sirius, then Tonks, and now Sirius is back here, and I want to feel great about that, but I can't because Tonks …' He stopped in the middle of the sentence. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he kept fighting them back.

'You're not going to lose anyone any time soon. None of us will,' she said reassuringly.

'Hermione … I would really like to be alone for a moment,' Remus said softly. 'Just for a while. I'll be fine.' Hermione nodded slowly.

'I'll check on you in half an hour if you're okay with that. I don't think you're quite out of danger yet.' Remus nodded.

'See you in an while then,' he said.

Hermione went down into the common room, expecting it to be empty. Harry and Ron had talked about going to sleep before she had gone upstairs with the potion. Instead of finding the room empty, though, she saw Sirius in an armchair, looking wistfully at her. 'He sent you away, I assume,' he said. 'I thought he would. You're going back later, aren't you?'

'Of course,' Hermione replied with determination. 'And I told him so.' Sirius grinned.

'Yeah, great,' he said. He supported his chin in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. 'Tell me something encouraging.' Hermione dropped into the chair opposite to Sirius and looked at him for a few seconds.

'If he doesn't pass out any more, he'll be fine enough, and he'll live,' she said seriously, watching Sirius's face very intently. 'I need to talk to you.' Something in his consciousness seemed to click into place and he stared at her.

'Again?' he asked slightly apprehensively, and she grinned.

'Again, and about the same thing really. Did you sort your troubles out after we spoke?' Sirius smiled and nodded.

'I told him about our talk the day after, and he said I was being stupid,' said he.

'And the other thing?' Hermione continued, hoping she was not crossing a line. 'Did you tell him that too?' Sirius's eyes were fixed on Hermione's.

'No,' he said slowly. 'Why would I have done that?' Hermione took a deep breath. If she didn't say it now, she wouldn't dare any more.

'I just thought you might have,' she said carefully, 'since you meant him.' For a horrible moment Sirius froze in his chair, and she thought she had got it all wrong and that he would shout at her or hex her.

'When did you realise?' he asked instead, looking worried and tense. Hermione was relieved, though.

'I had a hunch the moment you told me,' said she. 'The context was so strange.' Sirius looked very intently at her. 'I just thought for a long time I must be wrong, you don't look like the type who's … who's … well …' Words failed her, and Sirius laughed.

'A shirt lifter?' he suggested. Hermione looked scandalised.

'I wasn't going to say _that_!' she exclaimed, while Sirius shook with laughter.

'That's the funny thing about it, I'm not,' he said more or less soberly. 'I kept swooping down on girls left, right, and centre when I was at school, and later, too, all the while knowing none of them was what I really needed, all the while knowing, I could never get that.'

'Sirius, you've got to tell him, he's got a right to know,' she said imploringly.

'Yeah, and now's the right time to do that,' said Sirius. 'I don't think.' Hermione looked at the fire instead of Sirius.

'Not now, but soon,' she said. 'As soon as he's better. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you really should tell him.' Sirius sighed.

'Why?' asked he. 'Why can't I leave him blissfully unaware of my secret? It's been this way for so long, and he's fine with things, and I've come to terms with it.'

'You know what?' said Hermione. 'I'll go and check on him.' She rose, but Sirius reached out and held her back. 'I'm not going to say anything,' she added.

'No, that's not it,' Sirius replied. 'Let me go. He's the one going to crash now, so it's I who has to catch him before he does.' Without waiting for her answer Sirius ran back upstairs.

When Sirius entered the dormitory, Remus sat up with a mildly surprised expression. 'Oh, I thought you were Hermione,' he said.

'Yeah, the likeness between us is uncanny,' Sirius said slightly darkly. He dropped into his chair again and smiled vaguely.

'You didn't sleep, did you?' asked Remus, and Sirius shook his head. 'Would have been a short nap, too. What were you doing? Brooding?'

'That and talking to Hermione when she came down,' he replied. He reached out for Remus's hand again but didn't finish the movement when he saw him pulling away.

'Sirius, if you try and comfort me I'll not be able to control myself, and you're none too good with emotional messes,' he explained. 'Can we just talk about something harmless?' For a moment Sirius looked at him, then he reached out again, this time taking Remus's hand into his and pressing it.

'No, Moony,' he said simply. 'We can't talk your pain away, and I think it's time for you to find unexpected qualities in me.' He rose from his chair and moved it closer to the bed so that it stood right next to it and pulled the other into a tight embrace. After a moment the tension left Remus, and he shook in Sirius's arms, finally allowing himself to cry.

As the week passed and the full moon drew nearer, Remus got better with every day, but the afternoon before full moon Sirius was in a state close to panic. He insisted that Remus didn't move into the Shrieking Shack but remained in the dormitory, since the Wolfsbane Potion would allow him to remain as harmless as he normally was. Shortly before moonrise Sirius shooed Harry, Ron, and Hermione out of the dormitory, shaking and very pale. Remus tried hard to look confident, but it was apparent that he was in pain – which was normal – and in nearly as much fear as Sirius.

The three former Hogwarts students sat by the fireplace and waited, unable to sleep. Harry and Ron tried to take their minds off Remus by playing chess but could not quite focus on the game, and Hermione pacing the common room didn't help either.

All of them dozed off at times, but they always woke with a start after a few minutes, dreading what could have happened in the meantime.

'He'll be fine,' said Hermione towards five o'clock in the morning. 'Sirius would have come down if he weren't.' Harry was not so sure about that. He wouldn't put it past Sirius to spend the rest of the night next to a dead friend, unable to accept what had happened.

In the morning, however, Harry was woken up quite suddenly by Sirius's voice coming from the stairs. 'He's collapsed,' he said directly, 'but he'll be fine. He must be fine.' He walked over to them and dropped onto the hearthrug to stare into the fire. Hermione went over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. Sirius trembled slightly, but his voice was quite steady when he spoke. 'The Potion makes the transformation easier. Without you I am not sure what would have happened.' Sirius lay down on his back before the fire and glanced at the ceiling. 'I'll try to sleep,' he said, 'and so should you.'

'Er … don't you think a bed would be more comfortable?' Hermione asked tentatively, but Sirius merely shook his head and remained where he was.

'I'll stay here,' he said. 'I like it beside the fireplace.' He laughed. 'I always did.'

Hours later, Sirius woke with a start to find Remus in a chair smiling down at him. He sat up and moved his hands over his eyes very much like a tired dog. 'I've decided I've spent enough time in bed for the moment,' said Remus. 'What's your excuse?' Sirius grinned sheepishly.

'I haven't got one,' he said.

'You're upset,' said Remus. 'You've only ever slept by the fire when you were upset.' Sirius shook his head.

'I was scared for you, that's all,' he said. Remus frowned in a way that clearly expressed disbelief.

'You've been on tenterhooks all week,' said he. 'That I'm ill and shaken doesn't make me so self-absorbed I wouldn't notice that.' There was only the slightest trace of reproach in his voice, but it achieved what it should.

'I wasn't saying that,' said Sirius defiantly. 'You've got enough to chew on without me on top of it. If I tell you we'll both be brooding, and this doesn't help any of us. And you won't be able to help me anyway. There are things one can only get over by oneself.'

'Why don't you try me?' asked Remus. 'I don't think it would hurt me to get my thoughts off myself.'

'It wouldn't help you there, trust me,' answered Sirius darkly. Remus looked at him for a few seconds.

'I was just thinking that not talking about things brought both of us to mistrust the other once before, and that maybe we should know better by now,' he said slowly. To his surprise Sirius laughed.

'Sometimes you sound a lot like Hermione,' he said, and Remus grinned back at him.

'Well, I'll take that as a compliment, since you're spending a lot of time with her lately,' he answered. He frowned for a moment. 'It hasn't to do with her, though? I mean … er.' Remus cleared his throat. Sirius stared at him, then he gave a shout of laughter and banged his fist on the hearthrug.

'Hermione?' he said. 'You're mental!' Trying to control himself, he took a few deep breaths. 'Maybe I should tell you to shut you up,' he said. 'She insists that I should, anyway.'

'So you can tell her, but not me?' asked Remus, looking slightly hurt. Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head.

'That's not a question of trust,' he said. 'Please don't make me.' Remus frowned.

'I meant what I said about not keeping things from friends,' he said. 'You surprised me the other night. Sometimes you were highly insensitive to peoples' plights, but you were great to me. I just thought you'd give me a chance to pay you back.' Sirius saw the plea in his friend's eyes and, astonishing himself, he nodded.

'All right, I'll tell you,' he said and took a deep breath. 'That night, two years ago, when I told Hermione I thought you were still angry with me, I told her something else, too. Something rather more personal, but something I've been carrying around with me for about twenty years.' He looked away from Remus into the fire. 'Do not get this wrong, please, and don't hate me for it. I'd rather not tell you, but since I'll get neither you nor Hermione off my back before I do, I'll have to if I don't want to hex both of you into oblivion one day.

'Of all my friends you've always been the one I came to when I was in pain, because I knew you would be able to comfort me. James … he was a wonderful person, but you always knew how to handle me in particular, how to handle my strange moods, how to talk me out of gloom.'

'That's why I want you to tell me what's troubling you, you know,' said Remus calmly. 'Because we've always had a special line to each other, more than to the other two.' Sirius forced himself to stare back at Remus.

'Yeah, and that's why I don't want to tell you,' he said heatedly. 'That line, as you call it, made me high-spirited or something. I started to think it was more! It _was_ more for me, and instead of forcing that feeling down, I fuelled it at nights. I thought I'd come over it in Azkaban, but when I spent the summer after that disgusting tournament at your place it came back, and again I let it. I should have been sensible and …'

'Sirius, stop babbling,' Remus interrupted, and although he had spoken softly, Sirius fell silent as quickly as if he had shouted. 'I'm sorry I have to tell you that, but you're an idiot.'

'Yeah, I know,' Sirius said impatiently. 'Just don't let this get between us, please. I'm fine the way things are.'

'I don't think you are,' said Remus. 'And you're an idiot, but not for the reason you think. I told you the same thing years ago.' Sirius frowned.

'Have I been conscious when you did or did you knock me out before speaking?' he asked, and Remus looked askance at him. He slipped down from the chair so that he sat right before Sirius.

'We were sitting right here,' he said. 'Sixth year, the night before the summer holidays. The others were sleeping already. I chose that moment because I knew I wouldn't have to face you for another two months. I told you I would miss you. I also said I wished you were a woman.' Sirius blinked.

'Yeah, I remember that,' he said. 'I laughed my head off.' He shook his head. 'What exactly should I have taken that to mean, in your opinion?'

'Well, none of us were … into men, so it would be the only option to be more than friends,' Remus explained.

'Yeah, how did I not work that out?' Sirius said sarcastically. 'But here's the thing: None of us _are_ into men.' He thought for a moment. 'You reckon it has to do with being canines?' He grinned at Remus and was relieved that he did too. 'So now that's clear, what are we doing about it?' he asked, and Remus shrugged.

'No idea,' he said. 'But what would you say about coming back upstairs and going to bed instead of going to hearthrug? You're a humanoid canine after all. Come.' He rose and offered his arm to Sirius as if asking him for a dance. Laughing, they went upstairs, both of them appreciating to be free from their shared grief for the moment.

Since he possessed a considerable amount of money (Harry had never brought himself to touch as much as a Knut of what he had inherited), it was not very difficult for Sirius to find a small cottage a little way out of a Muggle village. He only returned to Grimmauld Place once to get a few of his possessions. The Healer that regularly checked on Remus tried to take him to St. Mungo's for observation for another two weeks, but he refused to spend time in hospital when he felt perfectly healthy. Sirius watched his argument with the Healer with a slight frown on his face, and when she finally gave up and left, he decided that he had to stop Remus from being completely insensible. 'Don't get this wrong, Remus, but my place is big enough for both of us,' he said. 'I bet there's a reason why she wanted to keep an eye on you, and I don't want you to take risks.' Remus hesitated for a moment.

'She reckons I may still pass out when I overtax myself,' he replied, 'so I just won't.' Sirius shrugged.

'A lot easier if you need not handle everything by yourself. Let me be your crutch.' Remus smiled.

'Is that the only reason why you ask?' he said softly.

'I'll let you go in two weeks when you've had your last check-up if she reckons you can be on your own again,' he said sincerely. 'I like to have you around, but I'm not going to talk you into anything. I just want you to be very careful.'

'All right, I'll stay with you for those two weeks,' said Remus. Sirius grinned and went upstairs to bring Remus's things down into the common room.

The cottage was much smaller than Grimmauld Place, but it did have a guest bedroom, into which Sirius carried the travelling bag with Remus's clothes, showed him around the place with considerable pride, and finally broke it in with a bottle of ancient elf-made wine. Remus walked over to a shelf with a number of flat plastic boxes on them. 'Sirius … what on earth are these?' he asked, taking one of them and holding it out to him. Sirius took it and laughed. He went over to a device on a table, handled it for a few moments, and when he was done, music came out of it.

'That,' he said, 'are CDs. Taking Muggle studies opens up an entirely new world.' Remus raised his eyebrows.

'I never knew that really interested you,' he said. 'Funny that you kept up to scratch. I used to think you'd only chosen the subject to annoy your parents.'

'True,' said Sirius, 'but in time I found out that there were some things one should take advantage of, and some of their music is worth knowing. You don't seem to like that, though,' he added when Remus jumped and screwed up his face at the sudden and somewhat unexpected entry of the drums. Sirius turned the music off again. 'I didn't really reckon this would be your thing,' he said. He went back to the shelf and started looking for something else. 'However,' he muttered, 'I've always found that one should never condemn something before one has seen all its facets. And in our case, that means starting small.' He pulled another CD out of the shelf and put it into the player. 'Same people, different song,' he said. 'I bet you'll like that one.' He handled the player a little longer this time before he was done with it. The song it played was slow and gentle.

'You sure that this is the same lot?' Remus asked, and Sirius laughed.

'Absolutely,' he said. 'This is a little unusual for them. You like it?' Remus closed his eyes and listened. After a few seconds he nodded. Sirius sat down beside him. 'You see? With an open mind one can find the most unthinkable things surprisingly good.' He had only whispered the last words, and Remus's eyes fluttered open. 'I had that song on my mind when I was talking to Hermione two years back,' Sirius said with an unusually earnest expression. 'I had it on my mind when I was face to face with you ever since.' Remus nodded and shut his eyes again when Sirius's lips brushed against his, barely touching him. He shivered slightly and moved a little closer to indicate that Sirius could kiss him properly. It felt strange, but definitely not bad. The music was etching itself into his mind and soul, the voices singing what both of them seemed to feel. After a while that could be hours as well as minutes, he broke away.

'I'm not ready to …' He broke off, feeling awkward. 'I don't want to use you.'

'I told you, I want to be your crutch,' said Sirius, placing a hand on Remus's shoulder. 'And it's not as if this were a new feeling for you, one that just emerged out of the pain of loss. And I'm not ready for much more either. Both of us have to see if we can get used to the thought, and if we do, we can move on.' He moved his hand further back, running his fingers through Remus's hair.

'What if only one of us can't get used to the thought?' asked Remus. 'The other will be disappointed.' Sirius shrugged.

'I'm quite sure our friendship is strong enough to survive that,' he said confidently. 'I think we're living proof for that already. But I would really like to give it a shot.'

'All right, let's do that,' said Remus, leaning forwards to kiss Sirius again.

The two weeks passed rather quickly, and when they were over and Remus packed his things, he did it with some degree of reluctance. He wondered if he should tell Sirius that he didn't want to leave just yet, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. After his first careful advances Sirius hadn't given him any sign that he intended to go further, and somehow he felt sure that he would have done if he had felt like it. Maybe he should call it off before the situation became too awkward to do that without leaving too much of a mess.

Sirius accompanied Remus into the tiny flat, and when Remus finally closed the door between them, he did it with a degree of relief. Sirius hadn't said much all day, and Remus was sure that this was the end of their attempt on a relationship.

Not two hours after they had said goodbye, the doorbell rang, and Remus discovered Sirius before it with another bottle of his wine in his hands and a grin. 'I think we should celebrate your recovery,' he said. 'I talked to your Healer, she told me that when first she saw you she thought you'd die within the day.' He seemed to shiver at the mere thought of that. Remus let him in.

'Are you going to tell me that we're done giving it a shot now?' he asked. 'I thought you might all day.' Sirius had gone into the kitchen to fetch glasses.

'Not quite,' he said as he re-emerged. 'I wanted to ask you what you think, if you want to go on with this … experiment.'

'In principle, I do,' Remus said carefully, watching Sirius pour wine into two glasses as they sat in two moth-eaten armchairs. 'I just thought you had second thoughts because you didn't try and stop me leaving.'

'The night is still young,' said Sirius lightly. 'I told you I wasn't going to talk you into anything, and you made it quite clear that you wouldn't want to stay longer than you had to.' He took a sip from his glass and looked at Remus. 'Just to set this straight, I am not having second thoughts. I had a great time with you and I'm going to feel terribly lonely without you there. I'm not very good on my own.' Remus nodded.

'I noticed,' he said simply. 'You were a mess when you had no company in Grimmauld Place.' Sirius nodded. 'The thing is, are you sure that this is the right solution for you?' Remus gestured vaguely at himself.

'What do you mean?' Sirius asked. 'I told you how I feel. Since neither of us is going to become a woman, we'll have to deal with it.'

'Will you be able to?' asked Remus, looking slightly worried.

'I've given this a great deal of thought over the last week,' Sirius answered, 'and I came to the conclusion that I don't care. I wouldn't care if you were an ogre.' Remus smiled weakly.

'I'm worse than an ogre,' he said. 'I'm the kind of Dark creature that most wizards would like to see eradicated.' Sirius put his glass down with such force that he spilt half of its contents, but he didn't even notice.

'Don't you dare call yourself that!' he said wildly. 'You're one of the kindest people I've ever met. There's absolutely nothing dark about you. You're Moony, I love you the way you are, scars and all.' At his words Remus had gaped at him, and Sirius took his glass into his hand again as if it supported him. 'Yeah, I've said it.'

'Did you mean it, too?' Remus asked, and Sirius nodded slowly. 'Come here then,' said Remus making room in his armchair, and Sirius walked over to him, sitting down very close to him. Remus took the glass of wine out of his hand and embraced him. 'I feel the same way,' he said very softly. 'I love you too. And I would like to spend more than two weeks with you. Much more.' Sirius silenced him with a kiss.

'Shut up,' he whispered. His hands started fumbling with his shirt, and Remus helped him with trembling fingers. Slowly they peeled each other out of their clothes, enjoying the unfamiliarity of the experience. Remus's fingers slid over Sirius's chest that had started to regain some of the strength it had once had.

'Funny,' he said softly. 'I don't know how often we've changed in front of each other, but this still feels strange.' Sirius nodded, tracing a scar that led along Remus's side and disappeared under the fabric of his briefs. He rose from the chair and walked over to the small fireplace. He pointed his wand at it and muttered a spell, and they had a roaring fire in front of which they sat down on the ground. Sirius lay down on his side, and Remus followed suit. Sirius cuddled up to him, moving his hands down Remus's back and into his briefs. He massaged his buttocks for a while, then he pulled him close. He took a sharp breath when he felt Remus's arousal hard against his own and started rubbing against him.

'Do you reckon we can go further?' he breathed after some time, and Remus nodded wordlessly. Sirius hastily took off his own briefs, then he pulled down Remus's. He knelt over him, taking in the sight that was offered to him with obvious relish. He pushed Remus's thighs apart and knelt between them, caressing the sensitive skin, slowly nearing his privates. Remus had closed his eyes and his breath was shallow. When Sirius suddenly dedicated his caresses to his erection, he moaned softly and thrust into Sirius's hand a few times.

'Stop, I'm going to come,' he breathed, and Sirius obeyed, leaning down to kiss him. 'What now?' Remus asked softly.

'What do you want?' asked Sirius, astonishing Remus.

'You,' he said, 'inside me.' Sirius exhaled sharply, as if these words were almost enough to push him over the edge, then he kissed Remus again, very deeply, before he sat up again. Remus began to turn round, but Sirius stopped him.

'I want to see your face,' he whispered, reaching for his wand. He spurted a sweet-scented, gooey substance into his hand, and Remus started to wonder if he had planned everything. He closed his eyes again as Sirius took hold of his knees one after another and put up his legs. Then he pushed two cushions under Remus's backside before he started moving slick warm fingers over his entrance. He worked with such gentle care that he didn't even tense when he entered him with first one, then two fingers. It felt _very_ strange, but good. After a while Sirius removed his hand, and something blunt pressed against him. 'You must tell me if I hurt you,' said Sirius, and Remus nodded.

'Go ahead,' he said. Sirius didn't need telling twice. Slowly he pushed and slid in much more easily than he had thought he would. It felt different to what he was used to, wonderfully tight and warm. He closed his eyes and groaned. Judging from Remus's sound, he liked what he felt, too.

Slowly Sirius started to move. He held himself back, careful not to put too great a strain on Remus. After a while he felt him relax, and he opened his eyes to look at him. Remus smiled at him, and he halted his movement, leaning down to kiss him.

Remus put his legs around Sirius's hip and pushed up against him. 'Stay here,' he whispered, 'I want you close to me.' Sirius nodded, resuming his slow, gentle thrusts, slowly gathering speed and pushing deeper. Remus ran his hands through his hair and over his back, kissing him almost continuously. Suddenly he clutched Sirius very firmly, who stopped moving at once.

'Did I hurt you?' he asked anxiously, but Remus didn't look pained and hastily shook his head.

'Do that again,' he said huskily, and Sirius tried to push into him exactly as he had done before. Remus moaned loudly. Deciding to consider what exactly felt so good for him later, Sirius supported himself with his elbows, his hands on both sides of Remus's head, and gathered a little more speed, careful not to change the angle of his thrusts, as this seemed to cause Remus great pleasure. After a few strokes, Remus arched against him and clutched him as if his life depended on it. Sirius felt Remus's contracting muscles massaging him as hot come spurted onto his stomach. He groaned and thrust into Remus as fast as he could, until he felt his own release drawing near. He leant down to kiss Remus as he came deep within him, feeling as though he was going to pass out.

They had crawled into Remus's bed naked as they were and Sirius soon fell asleep, but when he woke up in the middle of the night and didn't find Remus beside him, he got worried. He sat up and found his friend – his love – sitting in a robe on the broad windowsill looking out into the night. 'Moony?' he whispered, and Remus looked at him. His expression was grave. Sirius wrapped the cover around himself, feeling rather self-conscious, and walked over to him. 'Is everything all right?' he asked softly, and Remus nodded.

'It's stupid,' he said and looked out of the window again. 'I … Sirius, I feel so guilty.' Sirius didn't know what to say to that, so he remained silent. 'It's like I'm betraying her.' Sirius nodded slowly.

'Will you get over that?' he asked, and Remus looked at him with surprise.

'Yes, I will,' he said firmly. 'I know it's stupid, and I know that I want to be with you.' Sirius put his hand onto Remus's shoulder.

'There's an idea,' he said. 'Tomorrow we'll fetch Teddy, and you two come home with me. This place you call a flat is no good for three people.' He cleared his throat. 'I mean, four eyes can see more than two, and if your son is anything like his mother, he'll need watching.' Remus's eyes darted upwards, and he smiled.

'Let's do that,' he said. 'Only let's not do it for practical reasons but because we want to be together.' Sirius grinned.

'I've nothing against that,' he said, leaning down to kiss Remus on the forehead. 'I'm going back to bed. You crawl in when you want.' Remus left the windowsill.

'I want now,' he said.


End file.
